Moving Through Phases: 3 Life Lessons

“It is a bad day, not a bad life.”

Life is seldom a bed of roses. In fact, some of its phases can drain you completely. In the past few years, I have realized that life’s phases, their duration, nature, and lessons learned from them depend solely on your perspective and approach to both good and bad times. If you are going through a tough phase in life and you feel powerless, lonely and miserable, I hope my story will help you get through the lows with faith, wisdom, and perseverance. Here is what I learned in the past few years: It is up to you to take control of your life and draw lessons from rough patches – or end them, because the choice is yours alone.

Farewells are not always bad.

I was deeply grieved to wave goodbye to my marriage: I had invested over 10 years into the relationship and survived all the highs and lows that go hand in hand with living together. Still, it had to happen at some point: my husband and I had grown emotionally distant over time, and our kids were the only reason we stayed together in the phase when it became obvious the marriage had no future. Looking back, I can tell you that love does conquer all, granted it is mutual – and in the case it is not, a farewell is a much better option than limbo. It takes two to tango, and if you find yourself alone on the dance floor most of the time, do not go fooling yourself that the loneliness is just a passing phase. Moving on might be the best thing you can do after you hit the marriage rocks: get your act together, cut the bonds that hurt, and embrace life on your own.

Friendships are a spice of life, not life itself.

The above phrase applies to lifelong friendships, too. However close you and your friends may be, it takes mutual investment for the friendship to stay alive over the years. My best friend and I went our separate ways at some point, and though I tried to stay in touch with her during times of hardships, she did not invest the same effort for reasons of her own. The realization that I was holding out my hand to someone who was no longer around was long overdue, but it still hurt like hell. In retrospect, I think that it is only natural for people to come into your life, walk with you for a while and part when their road diverges from yours. Life goes on, even if the people who added spice to it are no longer there. It is up to you to make your life amazing: the people worth having in it will come along eventually. Do not try to stop those who want to leave – they have their own path, and they need to pursue it, just like you need to follow your path, with or without them.

You alone are responsible for the phases you concede to.

I used to blame my job for my bitterness and extra waistline inches: I had worked as a secretary for many years and I often had to put in overtime hours to avoid risk of dismissal. I used to regard this as a phase, but time proved me wrong. Gradually I began to compensate for job satisfaction by an unhealthy diet, and I became fatter than I ever thought was possible. Three years ago, I was diagnosed with diabetes type 2, and my doctor handed me a drug prescription and recommended I start counting my calories and start working out to lose weight and stabilize glucose levels. Two years later, I realized my work was getting in the way of my well-being. I had to quit if I wanted to save what was left of my health. I also realized that I alone was to blame for my condition, and that the responsibility for my life and the phases I ungrudgingly conceded to was always in my hands.

Life is a miracle, and even if fate deals you a weak hand, it is up to you to make it count. My message to you is: accept the phases you cannot change, change the ones you can, and never let anything or anyone take away your right to happiness and peace.

Tags: divorce, phases, transition, transitions

Category: Compass