When we are speaking to someone we love and trying to express something that may be difficult for the other person to hear, it can often be challenging to clearly express our message without negative feelings drowning the connection or the subject changing. This month’s compass guides you in expressing your matters of the heart effectively.
Get Clear: Be sure that you know exactly what is true for you. Do not include the opinions of others or evidence to prove your truth. If you are clear, there should be nothing to prove or disprove. The way to clarity is through relaxation and loving feelings.
Use our Freeze and Frost Exercise to help you become clear:
ocus on your breath: Breathe a deep breath in and a slow breath out every time a worry, fear or story enters your mind. Continue to bring your focus back to your breath again and again.
elax your mind and body: With every breath out, release all of the stressful thoughts in your mind and the tension in your body. Continue to breathe until your mind and body are completely relaxed.
pen your heart: Literally pull your shoulders far back and down. Then lift your chest to the sky opening your heart to the world. This will help ensure that your truth is coming straight from your heart.
trong Body: Use your lowest stomach muscles to pull your pelvis slightly under you. This core strength will not only provide you with true support, but will allow you to feel instantly empowered.
ruth Revealed: With a calm mind, open heart and a strong relaxed body your internal wisdom can come to the surface.
Separate From the Outcome: Offer your words as a way to be authentic in the relationship rather than trying to create an intended outcome. When people believe that someone is trying to change them, they will often get defensive and walls will go up, ensuring that the intended message is lost.
Express Feelings: The words “I feel…” are often much easier and more meaningful for people to hear than “I think…” This is the difference between telling someone how you feel and giving your opinion of a situation. Our Letting the Air Out compass can help with this.
Ask First: Make sure the person is in an emotional and physical place to truly hear your feedback.
Speak From the Heart: Do a quick Freeze and Frost just before you are ready to speak to make sure you are coming from a loving solution-focused place and if this changes, just breathe until your loving feelings return.
Let it go: If you truly offered your feelings from a place of love and support and remained detached from the outcome, it is now up to the person to manage his or her feelings and take action. No really, let it go!
Loving Tip: If the person begins mentioning topics or past incidents that are not related to your point of expression, simply let that person know that you would like to make time to focus on his or her feelings; however, it is difficult to clearly discuss any topic if other topics begin to confuse the message. Offer to schedule a time to discuss his or her issue.